2016 is about to expire and as I reflect on what the year has meant I can't help but thank God for a new day every morning. All 365 of them. The effects of 2015 left my family a royal mess at the beginning of 2016 but I must say the ending of this year I am beginning to see the light. More smiles are present, more life is being lived and more peace is beginning to be felt. Don't misunderstand me some days are still the WORST and fears have not been erased but we are healing.
This new year I'm not making resolutions but yet I want to focus on being more intentional, more relational, and present.
In 2016 I have felt my faith come to a standstill. I hate to admit it, but 2015 put me into a spiritual warfare. I was so angry, sad, bitter, jealous at God, the world, others who hadn't felt tragic loss, I could seriously go on and on. I was drowning in a never ending pity party. I kept asking questions and felt like no one had the appropriate answers. That attitude or mentality followed me into 2016 and slowly I began to get control on it. Journaling, prayer, reading books that dealt with tragedy/death/suffering/grief, reaching out and communicating with others who had handled tragic loss began to rebuild so much that 2015 had destroyed.
I am constantly searching for sweet peace. Tragedy has robbed me of that peace I long for, but it will not control me or have victory over me. I serve a God too big, have a saint for a husband(I say that because at some points over that last 15 months I'm not sure I would even want to be my friend), have friends that have let me pour out my heart over and over again, and have sweet angels that God has sent me in friendships that I have gained despite the ugliness of tragedy. (Disagree with me if you will, but I could tell you stories that give you chills of how people have literally sought me out to tell me their stories and help me overcome huge hurdles this year.
2017 I am ready for you.....
My prayer for 2017
God may you be ever present in my life. I pray I am intentional with my relationship with you and that our relationship grows more than I can ask or imagine. Let me explore, study, discuss and pray without ceasing. May we be so intwined when others see me they see you. God keep me grounded when I fall, because let's be honest I will fail. Sit with me when I am tired, hold me when I want to weep, but God let's jump high with joy when times are happy and joyful.
Help me put myself out there in my relationships with others....with my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, and strangers who might cross my path. Use me in these relationships to minister to people so that I am your hands and feet. Keep me present in their lives and a example for you. When I am transparent in my relationships with others your story comes out. God please give me the wisdom, courage and strength to let this happen in your name.
God have your way with me. I am unaware of what this might look like, excited for the possibilities and ready for the challenge. I want this to be a year where I am ablaze for you and your kingdom. I pray mighty things happen for your kingdom, in our human eyes these things might not even be a big deal to us, but God please I beg don't let me get in the way of your work. I may not have the ability to understand but God use me.
God I pray your richest blessings over my husband, my kids, my family, my friends and those I have yet to meet. God give us your wisdom so that we are able to face the days ahead. Rain down your fruits of the spirit so that your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control are so evident in our lives that people ask and question it so that they to find your fruits and in return find you.
In your sons name, AMEN!
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